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Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
