we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize