i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
