no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
