yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
