He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
