I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
well you can't waste a boner
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
