Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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