I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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