That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
