You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
