I CAN MOONWALK!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
