Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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