I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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