he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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