You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
They are going to name an STD after you.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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