Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
