my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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