Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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