put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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