I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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