When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
