Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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