I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
