I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize