Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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