I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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