Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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