Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
