You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
