When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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