Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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