I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
