dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
