He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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