mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
