You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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