no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
