i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
