I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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