when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
