I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
