I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
