Acid is not a monday night drug
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
