Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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