you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
