I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
bring money and cleavage
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
