i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
