I can text with my tongue
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
