i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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