11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
