well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
