Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
