Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
