Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
