Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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