wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
