You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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