That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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