i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
