I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i think my tv is drunk
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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