Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I deserve this hangover.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
