Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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