I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
