Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
