you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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