if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
